Big boobs are great. Society likes to tell us that big is best and, while we love our fun cushions, there are more than a few problems that come with being ample chested.
Life can be tough for a girl with big boobs, we’re not going to let it get us down but we are going to have a whinge about struggles that come with having incomprehensible cha-chas.
1. Your bras are going to break the bank
Thinking of updating your lingerie collection? Hope you’ve got a small fortune to spend. That’s right, pretty, lacy, colourful bras are apparently reserved for girls with petite boobs. If you’re more well endowed, its plain beige or nothing. And, let’s face it, nothing really isn’t an option.
2. The backache is real
Imagine carrying around two giant boulders on your chest 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Big boob girls don’t have to imagine, we live this every single day. Sometimes, we just carry them around in our hands to relieve the never ending strain on our backs.
3. Going for a quick, painless run is impossible
Without the Boobuddy, preparing for a quick jog with the girls before work requires an hour of psyching ourselves up, fifteen minutes of wrestling into a sports bra and stopping every five minutes to give our bouncing boobs a break.
4. Strapless tops and dress are a no-go at all times
There is nothing worse than having to hitch up a strapless garment 20 times an hour because your chesticles insist on dragging down the hem. They want to be free but, sadly, society tends to frown upon freedom.
5. BOOB SWEAT
They’re big. They require more movement and they require more effort. Of course they’re going to be pouring sweat like they’ve just run 100m against Usain Bolt. Under-boob sweat is a staple for big boob girls, get used to it.
6. The button gape
The office staple of a smart button up shirt suddenly turns smutty when your baps decide to stretch the buttons to their absolutely max and threaten to break free from the inappropriate garment you’ve imprisoned them to.
7. People love to comment on their size
A great way to respond to this is to look down at your chest and scream: “WHAT?! WHERE DID THEY COME FROM?!” Bonus points if you run away or pretend to call the doctor about your sudden chest expansion.
8. Crumbs will get lost in the abyss
Anything with the ability to crumble will tumble down your face and into your cleavage and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’re pretty sure there’s enough crumbs to make an entire dish hidden down there, but, quite frankly, you don’t care.
9. Nothing is safe from their wake of terror
Sure, you’ve been there throughout their growth so you would think you’d be spatially aware of their size, and yet, cups, candles, pen pots, boyfriends, dogs, houses all get a bump now and again. It’s like they’ve got a mind of their own.
10. Running down the stairs can result in a black eye
Double these chances if you’ve decided to go braless. Running down the stairs in a hurry is definitely not on your agenda any time soon. If it’s absolutely necessary, you’ve definitely got the technique down for holding them while you run.
11. You’ll constantly get asked if they’re real
As if that’s appropriate at all? If you’re asking if someone’s boobs are real, chances are you’ve never seen any boobs, real or fake, ever in your lifetime.
12. Tanning your back is impossible on holiday
Lying on your front in general is impossible, we’ve spent a lifetime returning from gorgeous beach locations with an impeccably tanned front and a pasty back because lying on your front is too damn painful. However, digging boob holes in the sand is super fun.
13. That people will be horrified when you mention you’ve thought about a reduction
Some people react as though you’ve just told them you’ve thought about cutting one off. Believe it or not people without big boobs - they are not all fun and games (only some of the time.)
14. The quad-boob phenomena
You know when you’ve decided to go for a slightly smaller size so your able to get the gorgeous design from Victoria Secret and it ends up cutting off the circulation and making half your boobs spill over the top in some weird four boob way? That’s quadboob. It sucks.
15. If you wear a low cut top, you will get served first at the bar
One of the only redeeming points of big boobs, when we’re at a busy club at a weekend, sleazy bartenders will hone right in on you and your glorious chest. Make the patriarchy work for you, girls.
16. The dread upon learning that when breastfeeding, they’re going to get EVEN heavier
They’re going to be full of milk and quite possibly larger than the little human’s head that you just gave birth to. If that isn’t terrifying given the back ache and woes we already go through, I don’t know what is.
17.Any form of breast support is a gift from God
The Boobuddy is designed to be your breast support band saviour. Compressing your chest from the top to drastically reduce bounce. No more dreading running or any form of high impact exercise. Praise the Lord!
18. Tight shirts will need to be pulled down all the time
Why is it that strapless tops always want to come down and tight tops always ride up? Fashion industry - big boob girls want answers.
19. Your big boob sisters will always be there to feel your pain
No matter the struggle and stresses we go through with our big boobs, we always know that girls in the same boat will be experiencing exactly the same. They’ll always be there to listen to your tales of torture and will be supportive in a way that no ugly beige bra could ever be.